Astonishing X-Men: Gifted Prose Novel by Peter David
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
This Review does have spoilers because comics are pretty dang predictable and this is a really old one, so anyone who cares about spoilers has probably read it.
Also, Spoiler Alert: No one stays dead in comics.
The X-Men have evolved. Cyclops and Emma Frost re-form the team with the express purpose of “astonishing” the world. But when breaking news regarding the mutant gene unexpectedly hits the airwaves, will it derail their new plans before they even get started? As demand for the “mutant cure” reaches near-riot levels, the X-Men go head-to-head with the enigmatic Ord, with an unexpected ally – and some unexpected adversaries – tipping the scales Experience the blockbuster re-imagining of the X-Men like never before in this new adaptation.
My friend convinced me to get this because she wants me to get into X-Men and I have a hard time reading comics, so she decided that a novelization would be a good stepping ground. Well, it worked, and I ended up having to buy some actual comics because the sequel(s) to this are not available in book format.
Parts of it were a little predictable, but I think that might just be because my friend has told me so much about the X-Men that I knew where it was going.
Kitty Pryde aka Shadowcat
Kitty was the main character and narrator of most of the book, which made me want to strangle her. As you’ll see in my Reading Progress section down below, I put the book down for almost a month, and thats because I couldn’t get over her whining in the first chapter.
“I hate Emma Frost” “Colossus is dead” “I love Colossus” “My life was ruined by the X-Men” “Emma Frost sucks” “I want to rejoin the X-Men, but I also don’t” “My parents don’t understand” “I’m a jew” “I hate my hair” “Emma Frost doesn’t wear enough clothes and also she sucks” “I always have to save everyone” etc,etc. It felt like a lot more than one chapter.
On the bright side, she has a pet dragon – Lockheed – who does make a few appearances. And once she stopped complaining about Emma she was actually pretty interesting.
Scott Summers aka Cyclops
Jean was dead at this point, she died before it even started (I think she holds the record for most deaths of a comic character, although, don’t quote me on that), so Scott did what he does best: find either someone who looks like Jean Grey or another Telepath to bang (because, you know, telepaths can make you think they look like Jean).
Emma Frost aka White Queen
She was a good guy in this, or, at least, hanging out with the good guys. She’s still a jerk and more or less amoral, she just wants to bang Scott.
Logan Howlett aka Wolverine
His very first scene is talking about trying to get drunk and how hard it is for him, because of how distressed he was over Jean’s death. He took it worse than Scott, apparently.
Then he went to the Xavier School and beat the crap out of Cyclops (and threatened to beat up Kitty for getting in the way, but she didn’t take any of his crap).
Piotr Rasputin aka Colossus
My favorite X-Man who was dead when it all started (he and his sister had both died a little while earlier to create a cure for the “Legacy Virus” which for some reason meant people had to die to create a cure). The good news is he didn’t stay dead for long.
Beast aka Hank McCoy
I really like Hank. He made a bunch of great references, and at one point he was moping in a park and this little girl ran up to him all excited because she thought he was Sully from Monster’s Inc and he played along!
Charles Xavier aka Professor X
He wasn’t in this at all, because he was “on sabbatical”
- marked as: currently-reading
- page 5
- Kitty just made a Harry Potter reference and now I love her.
- page 6
- Nope. I did not give Colossus permission to die before this even started
- page 24
- “Scott Summers was dying” is a great way to start a chapter.
- page 28
- So he wasn’t actually dying, unfortunately.
- page 39
- Kitty’s Harry Potter joke makes her slightly less annoying. Slightly.
- page 55
- So how many times has Scott “loved, married, and lost” Jean now?
- page 62
- Hank, if Scott was ready to “pull his cranium out of his nether regions” he wouldn’t be Scott.
- Yes that quote is exactly what Hank told Scott to do.
- page 102 33.0%
- “Perry the Platypus” Really Hank!?
- page 125
- And now a Titanic reference. Beast really must love television.
- page 136
- And Kitty quotes Indiana Jones!
- page 196
- YESSSSSSS. HES BACK.
- page 239
- Colossus and Nick Fury have the best banter.
- Colossus kept making fun of Fury for being a “capitalist” and Fury kept calling him a “commie” and they both were having a blast. (Fury ended the banner by saying “man I miss the Cold War”)
- page 255
- page 255
- “As for Wolverine, there were many rules that he was capable of ignoring, but the laws of physics were not among them”
- page 264
- Another Fastball Special. Don’t the Xmen have any other tricks?
- page 270
- “Boy’s named ‘Rasputin,’ should have known he wouldn’t be that easy to kill.” The history nerd in me is happy. Very happy.
- Also: can we respect the time that Illyana Rasputin (Colossus’ sister) got into a fight with Natasha Romanov. If you know Russian history you’ll know who won.
- marked as: read